Eastern European Fun

For the benefit of my non-Russian-speaking readership, I'd like to explain that this is very funny if you speak Russian.

So, I wanted to write a post about my recent trip to St. Petersburg and Odessa (fur hats and vodka, not gators and cowboy hats), but the trouble was, I wasn't sure how interesting a blow-by-blow account of all the things we did would be*, and I can't pretend to be knowledgable enough after my 2 weeks in Russia and Ukraine to be able to give some kind of deep analysis about cultural or political issues. And, sure, I could have made some kind of list like "Things that I saw in Russia that would never happen in the US", or I could rabbit on all day about horrible aspects of life such as corruption of those with power, mind-boggling bureaucracy, or attitudes about customer services that are horrifying to the American sensibilities. (Travel tip: if you have ever need to incapacitate a particularly cantankerous person whose job it is to interact with the public, simply explain to them that in America, the prevailing attitude is "The customer is always right"; they will surely laugh themselves to death in short order.) Writing such a negative post would have been like shooting so many salted fish in a barrel. So, I've decided to take an alternate route. I'm going to put on my rose colored glasses and make this post positively about:

Things They Got Right: Positive Aspects of Daily Life in Two Cities of The Former Soviet Union, Based on Two Weeks worth of Observations of a New Yorker, Whatever That's Worth

Good thing #1: A decent selection of loose leaf teas are generally and widely available. As a "tea person" who dislikes coffee, this was a huge one for me. Oh, how many sins can be forgiven for a fresh brewed cup of tea done right!

Good thing #2: Ice cream. Taste, availablity, etc: fantastic. I can already see those of you who have ever been in the Former Soviet Union nodding in recognition and thoughtful agreement. You can just buy any of a wide variety of delicious ice cream at a great price practically anywhere, on virtually any street corner, in any 24 hour little grocery store. Sure, there's ice cream in the US, too, but the level of ubiquitousness is not nearly the same. I want to see as many ice cream vendors in NYC as hot dog stands… you hear me, NYC? I'm not talking about those trucks with tinkly music that stay for a half an hour and then leave, either. I mean really just picking a street corner and sticking there, so ideally at no time do I have to walk half a block without being tempted by Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia on a stick. Fun note: I've noticed that in the US, signs for "No food allowed" tend to have a hamburger on them as the symbol of food:

thing I wouldn't be sad not to be allowed to eat

whereas in Russia, generally the symbol for food on "No food allowed" signs is ice cream:

thing I would be very sad not to be allowed to eat

Good thing #3: You pay on the bus. After it's already left. This is a no-brainer; it makes more sense. In New York, at times buses have to sit around at every tiny stop every block for 5 (or more) minutes each because everyone needs to swipe their cards or rifle through their pockets for change before embarking! That's silly; it's much better to get on the bus, let the bus start moving, and simply pay while the train is moving before you exit. Specifically, some terse female senior citizen can sell you a ticket on the bus. Which is great! Senior citizens need jobs too! Even grumpy ones! Oops, I said I would be positive in this post. Ok, so on to the next positive thing:

Good thing #4: It says the number of grams of each food item on the menu at restaurants (which I imagine would be very helpful if I had any type of conception of what a gram, or 300 grams for that matter, was.) But it's a very nice thought, to be sure, and assuming you're a person who's able to picture the portion size from that information, it must be nice to be able to tell what you're getting for your money and see if your portion can barely feed yourself, or if it's meant to feed you plus a family or four. Including the weight of each item on the menu is simply considerate. Of course it can be taken to extremes (as in the instance when I got a basket of bread at a restaurant, asked for butter, and the waiter replied "How many grams?") but still: it's a considerate question.

It's confusing because in my country we measure butter in increments of "yodas"

Good thing #5: Braids. French braids, to be specific, especially ones that curve around, like so:

Ooh, pretty hair

Ok, in the US, I think I've seen people walk around with this hairdo maybe a handful of times in my entire life, but in St. Petersburg and Odessa, it seemed to be a wildly popular hair style among all young women- from little kids, to teens, to twenty-somethings. Anyways, I think it's a very attractive style- though it led to a rather unfortunate attempt on my part to try to braid the back of my own hair that I couldn't see. It didn't turn out so hot. But anyways, for the curved french braid I hearby award one major point to the deities of Russian hairstyle trends. For this, we will forgive you for the resurgance of crimped hair there, too, which also looked to be very popular style as well, from what I saw. Not the "I just took some little braids out of my hair" type of crimped, either, which is natural and in my opinion looks just fine, but rather the "I spent an inordinate amount of time with a crimping iron this morning" style, like so:

I was going to put a clever caption here, but I couldn't think of one, so let me give you a consolation "1986 called; it wants its hair back!" for your troubles.

And speaking of hairdos, there is also the ever popular, unisex mullet; however, of the mullet, we shall speak no more, for unfortunately every moment I spend googling images of mullets saps me of my humanity.

Every... moment... looking... Jesse... mullet... life force... drains....

Good thing #6: This one is pretty St. Petersburg vs. New York City specific, but I was really pleasantly surprised to see extremely clear signage in the revamped (with a new 5th line) metro in St. Petersburg. It's almost as if… it's almost as if they want people to know where they're going! Even- perish the thought- tourists!! New York City, please take a hint and make clear maps widely available throughout each station and each car of each train of the whole subway system, and also a separate map of the particular line you are on at any given moment!

I also enjoyed the simple pleasure of hearing a recorded voice at every stop tell me "This station is ____. The next stop is _____." As a non-local, it was soothing and comforting and helpful to hear this encouraging message essentially saying in its robotic-voice way, "You're on the right track, girl!" Sure, in NYC they have these announcements SOMEtimes, but it's super inconsistant, which is bad considering how helpful such announcements are for anybody who isn't eagle-eyed and doesn't already know exactly where they're going.

Good thing #7: Fairly surprisingly, open wifi is way more widely available in random places such as restaurants, cafes, book stores... virtually everywhere. It's a bit less common for any old place to have open wifi access in the US. My fiance theorized that it's likely due to legal accountability issues related to letting just about anybody do just about anything on the internet, including illegal downloading and other such lawbreaking activities, when it could get traced back to the place of business and potentially get them in trouble. Maybe in Russia these type of legal accountability issues are not such grave concerns?

Good thing #8: They have a pretty great variety of food that goes well with beer. I can't speak to the many fish-related options (as I've never tried any myself, since I don't eat seafood), so I'll just stick to what I know. There's a great variety and respect for all things pickled, especially pickled cucumbers, of course, which are a delightful treat. Also, there is the fantastic grenki, which I don't think have an exact equivalent in the US. They are heavenly slices of toasted bread with garlic and cheese and yummmm.

Pictured: grenki, aka pure deliciousness

Let us not forget the stunning variety of potato chips that we can't get in the US, including such flavors as mushroom and sour cream (which was startlingly delicious and which I sampled repeatedly), smoked cheese (whose deliciousness I can also vouch for), caviar, pickle, crab, ham and cheese, "mega bacon"... the list goes on. These are just a few examples: suffice to say, they know how to do snacking with beer correctly over there.

So that is all. Looking forward to my next trip to both Odessa and St. Petersburg, should the opportunity cross my path again!


*Having said that, I'm just going to post the list version here of the St. Petersburg itinerary if you are interested:
Wednesday
Gostini Dvor, Dom Knigi, Kazanski Sabor, Palace Square (outside of Hermitage), (walking around the) Moika and Fontonka River and Kanal Griboedova
Food: Chanaya Lozhka, Frikadelki, Stolle, Cafe Laima

Thursday
Strelka, Museum of Zoology, Erarta Museum
Food: Teremok, Frikadelki, Sakartvelo
Other: pick up lost luggage (because of course they lost the luggage!), register

Friday
Peterhof (including Grand Palace) via hydrofoil
Food: Chanaya Lozhka, Monparadis Cafe, Botanika
Other: pick up registration papers

Saturday
Peter and Paul Fortress (Including Cathedral, Prison, Museum of Torture)
Food: Tolsti Friar, Soup Vino

Sunday
Hermitage Museum
Spas Na Krovi (Church of Savior on Spilled Blood)
Letni Sad
Boat Tour
Food: Teremok, Elki Palki

Monday
Museum of History of Religion
Yusupov Palace (with Death of Rasputin tour)
Vodka Museum
Mikhailovsky theater - eugene onegin - opera
Fidel
Dacha
Belgrad
Food: Idiot, Sbarro, Sever, Il Patio

Tuesday
Museum Defense Blockade Leningrad
Cruiser Aurora
Sennaya Ploshad, bazaar
Bar (no name) located on bankovski pereulok
Food: Botanika, Mama Roma